pretty boy blues
by strawberry sonatina
Summary: six love letters from the lonely left behind and you wonder if they'll ever know.


XVII – arcana: star

(_don't worry)_

"I did fall in love."

He says it with certainty, says it as just another lonely truth. You don't say anything back.

There's a little bit of shy and the smallest hint of awkward in his otherwise suave voice and for a moment it feels familiar, like you're talking to your Akihiko. "I fell in love with her," he says again, as if trying to gather his thoughts, "But when I think about it, all of us did."

I – arcana: magician

(_counting on you)_

It's senior year and Junpei still displays a friendly, cheerful manner fully appreciative of feminine charms but beneath it all there's a newfound resolve, a different determination. He invites you to go out for food and you're so, so close to telling him _I'm not her _but you agree anyway.

An hour later, two bowls are empty but the two of you sit in silence and you're ready to ask him ten hundred things but in the end only one question escapes –

"Yeah, I miss her," he leans back in his chair, toying with his key holder, staring at the ceiling. "Hard not to." You're sure he knows what you're really after but he's lost in thought and you've never really been one to interrupt silence.

Sad sigh, sad smile on a face far too used to them. "She's my best friend," he tells you confidently, tells you as if it's the only fact that matters. You don't point out the present tense. "And honestly, I love her, but not the romantic kind, you know? Not like with Chidori."

"I guess," you say with a shrug.

Both of you pay for the meal and the walk home is filled with aimless chatter and –

You wonder if he resents it.

XVII – arcana: moon

(_stay close)_

Shinjiro's out of the hospital now, has been since forever ago, it seems, but you find him in the hospital courtyard anyway. Neither of you are very talkative so you sit and quiet down your music until it's a faint melody in the back of your head. He glances sideways at you, doesn't look away until you turn your head and meet his gaze.

"Hey," you offer, switching the music off.

"... Hey." He looks the same as ever and you tell him, eliciting a noncommittal noise. "Don't really have a reason to change anything."

Not anymore, you nearly blurt, but you keep your mouth shut. He's fiddling with a broken watch and you almost say it but in the end –

Instead, you ask why he's here and he stares at you without any real emotion and the gesture answers your question but he puts it in words for you. "I don't have much time left anyway," he mutters, with the indifference of a person who has spent years waiting to die. "And everything's the way it's supposed to be, this time around."

In the end, you say it.

A tense moment and a thin silence stretch between the two of you.

"Not for much longer," he answers at last, and then something shifts. "But she didn't want me to die that night and even the universe couldn't say no to the goddamn messiah."

The words don't make an attempt to be harsh and yet,

it's a lonely kind of warmth that comes from them.

VIII – arcana: justice

(_stand by you_)

Six months since, and he carries himself like an adult, a true adult, but at the same time, it's as if he's drawing a blank on what to do with the rest of his childhood.

"Hello," Ken says with careful formality as you walk in. Koromaru gets up from next to him and trots over to you, so you kneel down and scratch behind his ears, play with the fur on his back.

It's the first day of September again and looking at him is the same as looking at a stray lamb away from the flock. Today might have been that first dinner he'd had with her, and you bring it up, though you're certain he remembers.

"Today a year ago," he answers, swinging his legs against his chair. His feet don't touch the floor, you notice. There's just you and him and Koromaru in the lounge and he's studying you with a mixture of respect and faint bitterness. "I know I was a kid – I still _am _a kid – but I..."

It's a little surprising how easily he admits his age, how accepting he's become of himself. You ask him if it's because of her.

Wide brown eyes, focused on the blank television screen to your left. "She was a hero," he says with a self-deprecating laugh. "And she liked me for who I was and didn't point out what I wasn't and to her I was a friend, the same as everyone else. Not just some ten year old who tried to grow up too fast. I fell in love, and some days," he looks down, "I think I'm still falling."

His hands are tense on his lap and as small as ever and all you can see is a little boy lost between past and present.

"She'd want you to move on," you tell him.

"I know," the little boy sighs, and then hesitates. "But I don't."

XIII – arcana: death

(_already friends_)

You see him in your dreams.

This time around he has no warnings for you, and he doesn't look quite as lonely as before, but he's happy to see you and you sit down to have a talk with him that doesn't revolve around the end of the world.

He blinks once when you ask who he talks to now. "I think you'd like her, but it'd be odd if it was any other way," the child smiles, "I mean, it's hard to hate a hero. You're one, too, you know."

"Used to be." It's not really much of a contest, not now, not ever.

Pharos doesn't argue with you, doesn't agree with you, either. "You'll be back where you belong soon, though," he assures you as he stretches his arms. "She says you deserve to be happy."

"She shouldn't be the one who has to fight for the two of us," you retort, feeling hollow and angry at the same time.

His eyes are bluer than they used to be, like a city sky after it rains. "You shouldn't, either," he murmurs in a small voice. "But someone has to do it."

You almost say it's a selfish thing to do as you think of the people she left behind and you bite it back because you went ahead and pulled the exact

same

thing.

"I know," he says as he turns around and begins to walk off. "When all's said and done, though, she did it for you."

X – arcana: fortune

(_too romantic, but)_

"I would've loved both of you," Ryoji laughs, taking your hand. "In the end, she was the one who gave me the chance." He doesn't seem sad, doesn't seem left behind, but it's probably because he was the only one who wasn't.

"Everyone's in love with her," you say, following him in the dark.

He adjusts his scarf. "Everyone's in love with you, too."

The two of you go on in silence until you hear the faint clank of chains and he glances back at you with an easy smile playing on his lips. "She's been wanting to meet you for a long time."

XXII – arcana: fool

(_ready to go_)

He sees a flash of fire in her eyes, a twenty-two crisscrossed in her hair, and shoulders unbent under crushing pressure. Two worlds she's holding up, and you still wish she wasn't.

She's surrounded by chains and bound to golden gates but when she looks up and sees you, she smiles wide and it's the brightest you've ever seen. "Hi!" she calls, and stands up, starts walking towards you. A few feet later and the chains stop her, but she waits for you with a huge, genuine grin.

You're right in front of her now and your head empties itself of words and you shove your hands in your pockets to say hello. Hello, it's nice to meet you; I've heard a lot, how's it been being a seal against the hellspawn of humanity? But nothing seems like an appropriate conversation starter and it's been ten seconds and you're still standing facing each other in literally the middle of nowhere.

"They miss you a lot," she says after a few more moments, and somehow it's the perfect thing to say and now it's obvious that this girl is a savior. "Are you ready to go back?"

"Just a moment," you say, "Unless you don't have time to talk."

Time is the only thing she has anymore, really. "Take a seat," she plops down on the floor again and pats the space next to her with a wink, "I've got all the time in the world."

There are a thousand and three things that demand to be said and the clock's not ticking anyway so you sit down beside her and strike it up.

A single second and a million years spent in her company and all one thousand and three things are said and long gone – you tell her you think it's time to go and she helps you up. "You know," she says, releasing your hand with another impish smile, "I think I get why everyone loves you."

She leaves a butterfly kiss on your cheek before giving you a warm hug and a gentle goodbye, and

the last thing you hear is a whispered blessing

the first thing you see is light.


End file.
